It’s completely normal for any parent to feel anxious about what to say, or what not to say to a family report writer. It’s one of the most sensitive stages in the family law process and knowing what to expect helps you communicate effectively and can make a meaningful difference in getting your family’s story across in a constructive way.
Understanding what not to say to a family report writer, isn’t about memorising “perfect” answers, but there are ways to prepare that will help you avoid common pitfalls that can unintentionally distract from the focus of the conversation staying on your child’s needs.
Below you will find some helpful guidance on how to prepare for a family report, as well as the answers to some of the questions we are often asked about the process.
If you have any further questions or want support through your family’s transition period, Lander Family Reports & Mediations offers private family reports conducted by Jill Lander, a trusted professional with over 30 years’ experience supporting families through complex life changes. Engage Jill directly on 0423 974 753 or 02 9006 1000 for a compassionate, thorough, and child-focused private family report that gives your family the clarity it deserves.
How to prepare for a family report
Let’s begin with a general overview of how to prepare for a family report.
Reflect on Your Child’s Daily Life: Think about their routines, what makes them happy, their challenges, and how they’re coping with family changes. Focus on genuine observations rather than what you think sounds impressive.
Stay Factual and Child-Focused: Prepare to discuss practical matters like school performance, friendships, extracurricular activities, and any concerns about your child’s wellbeing.
Be Honest About Challenges: Family report writers recognise authenticity. It’s better to acknowledge difficulties and explain how you’re addressing them, than to present an unrealistic picture of perfection.
Manage Your Emotions: It’s normal to feel emotional during these discussions. Take breaks if needed and remember that showing genuine care for your child is more important than maintaining perfect composure.
What not to say to family report writer
While there are no scripted “right” answers, certain approaches can be counterproductive. Understanding what not to say to family report writer is not about censorship either. When you communicate honestly and with empathy, you help the report writer see your genuine commitment to your child’s wellbeing, not just the challenges of the past.
Here are the five things we recommend you avoid saying:
- Avoid speaking negatively about the other parent: Instead of criticising your co-parent’s character, focus on specific behaviours that affect your child and how you’re working to address them constructively.
- Don’t use the session to vent: While it’s important to share relevant concerns, lengthy complaints or emotional outbursts can overshadow your child-focused message.
- Avoid exaggeration or inconsistency: Stick to facts you can support. Contradictory information raises questions about credibility with family report writers.
- Don’t coach your child: Family report writers are trained to recognise when children have been prompted. Children who have been coached often present responses that seem rehearsed or inappropriately adult-like.
- Never make absolute character attacks: Avoid statements like “They’re a terrible parent” or “They never help with anything”.
Ways to reframe common negative lines
Instead of: “The other parent is a bad person”
Try: “I’m concerned about how inconsistent bedtimes at the other house might be affecting our child’s school performance.”
Instead of: “They never help”
Replace with: “I’d like to discuss how we can both support our child’s education more consistently.”
Instead of: “My child hates going there”
Consider: “I’ve noticed my child seems anxious before transitions. I’d like to explore what might help them feel more comfortable.”
The alternative approach focuses on your child’s perspective, practical solutions, and your commitment to co-operative parenting where possible. This demonstrates to the family report writer that you’re focused on creating the best outcomes for your child’s future.
Let your child express their own views naturally during their session with the family report writer. Children who have been coached often present responses that seem rehearsed or inappropriately adult-like, and experienced professionals can identify this immediately.
How to feel confident on the day
Approach your family report interview as a conversation rather than an interrogation. Remember that you know your child best, and the family report writer is there to listen to your perspectives and get an understanding of how things are going for your child.
Practical tips for the day:
- Get adequate rest the night before
- Eat something beforehand and bring food with you
- Arrive a few minutes early to settle in
- Take deep breaths and remind yourself this is about helping your child
- Bring toys or books to entertain your child
- Bring someone to look after your child while you are being interviewed
- Focus on your child’s needs rather than past grievances
Most importantly, remember that authenticity trumps perfection. The goal isn’t to get everything exactly right, rather, it’s to be honest, child-focused, and demonstrate your commitment to your child’s wellbeing.
Book your private family report today
By focusing on your child’s needs, communicating honestly, and understanding what is and isn’t best to say to the family report writer, you can participate confidently in this important process.
Knowing what not to say to a family report writer isn’t about walking on eggshells. Instead, stay calm, speak honestly, and keep your child’s needs at the centre of the conversation, this helps the report writer see the very best of what you bring as a parent.
Jill Lander provides private family reports for parents seeking a professional, balanced, and trauma-informed assessment. With extensive experience and a genuine understanding of family dynamics, she delivers reports that prioritise the wellbeing of children and provide the clarity families and courts need to move forward.
Contact Lander Family Reports & Mediations today to engage Jill Lander for your private family report.
Family report interview FAQs
What’s the difference between what I should and shouldn’t say to family report writer?
Focus on child-centred facts rather than criticising your co-parent’s character. Instead of saying “They’re a terrible parent,” explain specific concerns like “I’m worried about inconsistent bedtimes affecting our child’s school performance.” Avoid using the session to vent frustrations or present an unrealistic picture of perfection. Family report writers value honesty about challenges and how you’re addressing them. This approach demonstrates your commitment to your child’s best interests and your family’s positive future.
Can I bring someone with me?
While you cannot have someone present during the actual interview, to maintain confidentiality and neutrality, you’re absolutely encouraged to arrange emotional support before and after your appointment. Many parents find it helpful to have a trusted friend, family member, or counsellor available for a chat afterwards. We understand family reports interviews can feel overwhelming, and we support whatever healthy coping strategies help you feel more prepared and confident.
Can I see the family report before it goes to Court?
Family reports are typically released directly to the Court and your legal representative rather than to parents individually. This process maintains the report’s independence and prevents any potential for pressure or influence. If you have concerns about the content or process, discuss these with your lawyer who can address them appropriately. Your solicitor will review the family report with you and explain how they may impact your case and next steps.
How long does the process take?
Private family reports are often completed within 2-4 weeks, depending on complexity. This turnaround is one of the key advantages of choosing private family reports, allowing your family to move forward with clarity as soon as possible.
DISCLAIMER – The information provided in this blog is general and does not consider your individual legal needs or objectives. It does not constitute personal advice and is for informational purposes only. We recommend seeking out professional and independent legal advice from qualified Australian lawyer to advise on your individual situation before acting on any information contained below. Lander Solicitors Queensland and Lander Family Reports and Mediations accept no express or implied liability for negligence or contractually for reliance on any information provided. Liability limited by a scheme approved under Professional Standards Legislation.
